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Foremost in dealing with difficult people is to understand our own role in a
difficult situation. Its important to know about ourselves and the way in
which we react to or appear to others. This CE will help answer:
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Am I the difficult person?
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How we appear to others.
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Is there bias or prejudice?
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Strategies for dealing with
difficult people.
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Handling an angry customer.
A difficult person may be a colleague, a staff member, manager, doctor,
optician, a supplier or a customer or patient. Regardless of the business or
office, these techniques can make a difference. So, the first question to ask
yourself when dealing with difficult people is: Is it me, am I the difficult
person? Often we think of difficult people as angry people but that is not
always the case. The problem might be that we are being indecisive, evasive,
overly friendly or even a time waster. So to begin to understand how to deal
with difficult people well need to understand ourselves better. The next
exercise is fun and it can be used to help do some self evaluation.
COMPETITIVE TEST
(from Baker/Leal 1992, La Habra, Calif.)
Answer True or False to the following questions:
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I am able to put work out of my
mind when off the job.
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I very much enjoy betting in
football pools, lotteries, races, etc.
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You only live once, so a happy
life with many friends is more important than the hard work of attaining
accomplishments.
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I very much dislike seeing
things wasted, (like, food, fuel, paper, etc.)
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I make daily lists of things to
do.
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I would prefer working with a
congenial but somewhat inept partner than one which is difficult but highly
competent.
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I have a tendency to do things
today rather than put them off until tomorrow.
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I have a strong interest in the
lives of successful people.
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I am time conscious about almost
everything I do.
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I prefer important, difficult
tasks that involve a 50 percent chance of failure to those that are less
important but easy and enjoyable.
1. False 2. False 3. False 4. True 5. True 6. False 7. True 8. True 9. True 10.
True
Give yourself one point for each response that matches yours:
8 to 10 Points: You are intensive and competitive. You are
driven to succeed. You may overexert yourself in stressful situation. Be aware
of wanting to win at any costs. In dealing with difficult people you may have a
tendency to escalate the argument. Focus your skills on listening and
responding slowly.
5 to 7 Points: You have an
average level of competition. You are content to win some and lose some. You
may be the most effective problem solver but you may avoid dealing directly
with a difficult person to avoid conflict. Be aware of taking the path of least
resistance versus doing what is best for the situation.
0 to 4 Points: Your
competition level is low. You may allow situation to dominate you. Be aware of
giving in too easily. In dealing with difficult people you may be too willing
to give in, take a moment and consider the information prior to offering a
solution.
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
How do others see you? People
form impressions in seven to 10 seconds. More than half of those impressions
are visual; almost all are non-verbal. Its critical to be aware of what
appearance and body-language are saying. Here are some important details to
keep in mind: Eye Contact Consistently maintaining eye contact will be
engaging and encourage communication. A lack of eye contact may indicate:
boredom, embarrassment, lack of attention, inferiority or may be culturally
impolite or show a lack of care.
 Facial
Expression A smile can encourage a positive connection. A frown can
indicate disapproval. A furrowed brow may indicate confusion or a lack of
understanding. A squint may mean distrust of the person.
Body Stance Meet someone
at eye level and youre on equal terms.
If someone is seated and someone standing, whoever is highest has dominance.
Posture An open posture
will indicate that you are attentive and receptive. Crossed arms may mean you
are unwilling to listen or are unreceptive. Hands clasped behind your back
indicate a lack of authority, slouching may indicate boredom or lack of
interest.
Appearance
Clothing, hair, make-up and jewelry should be appropriate to the situation.
Uniformity is essential in communicating a sense of professionalism and
organization.
Odor Good or bad; too
much perfume is as offensive as unpleasant body odor.
Voice Be aware of the
pitch, tone and volume of your voice. A deeper tone indicates authority, a
melodious tone and low volume will keep the conversation pleasant. Avoid
raising the volume if you become agitated and be aware of how you say what you
say.
Gestures There is
tremendous power in gestures. Pointing a finger at someone is aggressive and
will not encourage cooperation. Keeping hands visible and in an open position
is preferable.
Personal Space Each
person has a personal comfort zone, in American culture its a three-foot
zone. If you step within that zone without being a friend it maybe considered
as aggressive. Be sensitive to that barrier for yourself and with others.
The Scene When dealing
with a difficult situation, in particular an angry patient, dont allow the
communication/confrontation to take place within ear shot of other patients or
customers, whenever possible. A back office even an empty exam room is better
location than the front desk area or dispensary.
IMPRESSIONS FORMED
What are your thoughts about each
of the categories on the list below? Take a moment to think about your first
impressions for each group:
Californians, New Yorkers,
smokers, farmers, high myopes, blondes, Latinos, redheads, Asians, athletes,
attractive people, overweight people, older people
Do you know why you have those
thoughts? Are they accurate? The impressions and perceptions you bring to each
encounter with patients impacts how you react to them.
Stereotypes are exaggerated beliefs or fixed ideas about a person or
group that is held by people. The belief is sustained by selective perceptions
and selective forgetting.
Stereotypes come from distorted or incomplete information, limited
personal experience, outside sources such as others interpretations of
cultural behavior.
Stereotypes are natural, often destructive because they are unfair,
do not allow for individuality and interfere with communication. Prejudices are
preconceived ideas or negative attitudes, formed before facts are known and
sustained by overgeneralizations or is a bias without reason resisting all
evidence.
Prejudices imply inferiority, lead to suspicion, are detrimental to
communication and interpersonal relations and interfere with communication.
People who are aware of and concerned about their own prejudices are on the way
to eliminating them.
UNDERSTANDING HUMAN NATURE
The people for which opticians create eyewear have the same basic
needs as anyone else. Value, control and self esteem are part of everyones
needs.
 Need
to be valued Patients or customers want their opinions and needs
considered and accounted for. Clearly communicate the value they have to your
businesses or practices.
The need to be in control of ones own life Patients or
customers dont want to be told what to do; provide options, describe benefits
and let the patient make the choice. For example, instead of telling patients
something they will have to do like: You will have to bill your insurance
company yourself. Instead, tell them what you can do: I can provide you with
an itemized receipt to submit to your insurance company for reimbursement.
Youre saying the same thing but one allows for control and is assisting while
the other is a directive.
The need to like ourselves Most patients dont want to be
unpleasant. More often than not they are embarrassed after the fact and often
the anger was not your fault but something else happening in their lives i.e.,
financial concerns, a spouse that may be ill, etc. So, always consider these
three facts when a difficult situation develops. It assures the right approach
to the problem and the respect a customer or patient expects. Considering all
that has been presented and assuming the problem is not us or the way that we
react to people, what are the strategies to deal with difficult people?
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Think before acting and responding. Take some time to really
understand the person or issue to know how best to react in any situation. The
strategy used will depend on the outcome wanted. One strategy or more likely a
combination will help resolve the issue. Consider the following strategies:
Strategy #1: Listening
The first and best strategy is to LISTEN. Your goal is to separate
the facts of the situations from emotion and opinion. You may use other
strategies in conjunction with listening but always start here. Some phrases to
start the conversation might be, Please explain the details to me or Im
concerned you are unhappy, will you start at the beginning and tell me
everything.
Example:
Patient:
I want to cancel my order for glasses; the dispensary or your optician is very
unprofessional.
Office: I am so sorry you
had a bad experience, would you mind telling me what happened and maybe I can
help?
Strategy #2: Avoiding
This strategy buys time. However, be sure to follow up, it is not
permission to do nothing. The purpose of this strategy is to give you
time to think. There are times when this strategy is completely inappropriate,
so utilize it sparingly. Some appropriate phrases might be, I am with a
patient at the moment. May I call you back shortly? What is a number that I
can get right back to you? Or, try We are very busy at this moment. Can we
discuss this later, how about 4 p.m.? Pick a date and time so the other person
knows the situation is not being ignored.
Example:
Staff Member: It really
annoys me when you leave such a mess in the lab.
Co-Worker: You know Im
sure we can figure out a solution to the organization of the lab but Im with a
patient at the moment. Lets talk about it this afternoon.
Strategy #3: Obliging
This strategy empowers others. This technique allows everyone to be a
part of the solution process. It builds trust and confidence. Some appropriate
phrases might be, What would you like to see happen here? or I trust your
decision to do what you believe to be right.
Example:
Upset Patient: I hate
this frame! It broke in the first week and it hurts my nose.
Staff Member: Im so
sorry you havent been happy with the frame. We certainly want you to enjoy
wearing your glasses. What would you like to do? Be prepared to do what they
ask. If youre not willing to make the changes they ask, you may want to use a
different strategy.
Strategy #4: Integrating
The goal of this strategy is to get everyone involved and thinking
creatively. Make sure everyone gets a say. Some appropriate phrases would be,
Lets get everyone involved and discuss the options or Can everyone make a
suggestion on how to improve this situation?
Example:
Upset Doctor: How come
the appointment book has so many openings?
Manager: Lets bring
this up to the staff and see if they can come up with some ideas at our next
staff meeting on how to fill up the book.
Strategy #5: Compromising
The goal of this strategy is to look for common ground. This can be a
very effective technique when one staff member tries to dominate each
situation. Some appropriate phrases would be, There is no perfect answer here.
Lets talk about what each of us can tolerate or No one answer is right,
lets see if we can piece together the best possible solution.
Example:
Lab Tech: I want my own
work station, one place with all my things that I can keep it organized.
Other Lab Tech: It
doesnt make sense to have four places to do each task, we should have one area
for each task and we can share those areas. It might be messy occasionally but
we can all know whats going on. Manager: You both have very different
styles for doing things. How about if we sit down and figure out what we can
live with, it may not be perfect but it can work for each of us.
Strategy #6: Dominating
This strategy gets things done by using power. Use it sparingly;
never use this style with a patient. It will be most effective when there is a
wide range of expertise. An appropriate phrase might be, Please do what I
asked you to do and do it now.
Example:
Staff Member: I know I
was supposed to start that last week but there were so many other things I had
to get done first. I havent had time to start that yet.
Manager: You need to
complete it before you leave today.
This strategy is clearly required at times so the proper management
and efficiency of the office or store is maintained. For example, ordering
lenses or frames reliably and as soon as possible is critical to the on-time
delivery of eyewear. Telling employees what to do is necessary until staff
understands expectations.
HANDLING ANGRY PATIENTS
Now that you have an understanding of your role in difficult
situations, lets discuss the hardest situation of all, angry patients.
The first step is to calm the situation down. Concentrate on
being the opposite of angry, speak quietly, stay still and remove the angry
patient from common patient areas. Remember to LISTEN, listen and then listen
some more. Sometimes a touch to the patients arm with concern clearly on your
face also helps to diffuse the situation so that the problem is understood and
a solution can be reached.
The second step is the show you understand. Im sorry works
wonders. You dont have to solve everything in the first few minutes, let the
patient vent their frustration and anger and empathize with them.
The third step is to agree to take some action. What I can do
is This will make the patient feel better. Dont tell the patient what
youll have to do is This takes control away from the patient and will
escalate the situation. You need to take the lead in solving the
problem.
The fourth step is to understand that sometimes people will
get angry at you for no apparent reason. Stay calm and realize that if you
handle the situation to the best of your ability you will feel better. Dont
let the patients behavior affect your actions.
The final step is to process your own anger. It never feels
good to have someone get angry with you, especially if youre not at fault.
Step back, try to maintain perspective and then do
something nice for yourself. Go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee and use
whatever techniques make you feel better. An area of the office or break room
could be set up for relaxation where its calmer and deep breaths are possible.
The fact that you are reading this article means you want to have the
skills to better handle difficult people and situations; and that is really the
most important step. You care.
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